Can i just kill my self?
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May tawag or word ba sa you want to end your life but you’re scared but you still want to do it anyway?
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Today I woke up feeling weird. I’ve been like this since the start of 2019. I don’t know why. I wake up late recently. Hindi naman ako tinatamad mag trabaho pero parang ang hirap lang bumangon at pumasok sa work. My antidepressant is not working. Feeling ko lang yun. I’m not sure. Pero iniinom ko pa rin siya. Let’s get this straight. Been thinking of ending it again. For 3 weeks, iniisip ko siya. I don’t know why. Am I going back to my old habit/s? IDK.
Bakit feeling ko hindi ako masaya? Palagi akong pagod pero magaan naman load ko sa work. Palagi ba akong pagod kasi nag-pe-pretend lang akong masaya?
I love my fiancée so much. Like I super love her and I would risk and do anything for her.
I just feel sad and alone right now.
I don’t want to be the burden of everything. Ayoko maging pabigat sa kaniya. Kaya tinatago ko na lang. Right now, parang malungkot ako kasi malayo ako sa kaniya ngayon pero pag kasama ko na siya, to be honest, I just pretend to be okay. Or kahit sinong kaibigan na nasa harap ko now. I just pretend to be okay.
I don’t want to go back to my therapist and my doctor kasi ang mahal. Nag titipid ako for my wedding. For OUR wedding. Ngayon lang talaga ayaw ko maging pabigat sayo.
I love you so much and I’m so sorry. I hope you understand me.
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My hands are numb but i need to work.
This fake happy face, hindi siya nakakatulong pala.
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January 21, 2019
I’m not worthy of this life. My meds are not working.
Help.
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Im just tired. Im tired of myself. Im tired of people. Im tired of trying. Im tired of proving something. Im tired of all the pressure people give me. Im just so tired of everything. I just want to rest.
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